Posts tagged ‘Letting Go’

October 26, 2010

Payback is a b***h!

by Vonda Howard

Hey Vonda,

Recently I broke up with my jerk of a boyfriend and was more than happy to do it. He SOON AFTER started dating this woman that I have had an ongoing feud with for years. Vonda, I can actually say that I cannot stand this woman…and I could not be happier that they are together.

Now, not to long ago, he started calling me and trying to make his way back into my pants and I have (on more than one occasion) told him to hit the bricks and go back to his chicken-head. She even had the nerve to tell me to stay away from “her man”! I never laughed so hard!

Vonda, these are the two people I can honestly say I hate in this world. I thought about playing him, making him leave her ass and then dumping his ass. Would I be wrong for giving in to this little bit of revenge for myself?

Payback is a b**ch!

Dear Payback is a b**ch!,

Are you sure you are over this guy?  I know if it was someone that I “hate”, the LAST thing I would want to do is be close to them again!  I understand the feeling to want to get back at someone that has been a negative part of your life, but revenge never really pays off.

The fact that he started calling you again after (I assume) you had a nasty breakup means that somewhere  in him he feels comfortable enough to approach you about getting back together.  Why?  I would take time to look at that.  What are you doing or saying that could possibly be giving him the green light?

The best thing I can tell you is to put space between you and these people.  Plotting some revenge or scheme to get back at them for whatever they did will only prolong YOUR suffering and possibly make your experiences with them even more of a pain.  I say let him know once and for all that you and him are over and move on with your life!  Spend your time and energy on positive people!

Vonda



About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!

Advertisements
August 14, 2010

Let Go Sometimes…

by Donya B

I have lived in my body for nearly 40 years.  I have had complete control of my comings and goings, likes and dislikes, desires and aversions.  No one has had the audacity to even attempt to exhibit corporal control over my life.  Yes, I was with a Dictator for almost 6 years, but even he couldn’t tell me what to eat and what not to wear.  I have been my own person my whole life.  Until now.  If you’ve seen me on Facebook, then you know I’m pregnant.

(Since I spoke on one mother-child relationship last week, it’s only fair to speak on the other now.  I know there probably aren’t many of you out there that can “Relate to my Relatables” this week, but humor me and keep reading anyway…)

You remember in Men In Black the little alien that was inside the guy’s head?  It was his command center, his bridge for the human body ship?  Yeah, that’s what’s going on.  My life is under the control of a miniature Dictator who exhibits no specific regard for what I think, how I feel or what I want.  In this relationship, I have been forced into the Pleaser quadrant with Doormat tendencies (you didn’t think I could tie this together with my other blogs, did you? Ha!!).  My focus in this relationship is to keep my Dictator happy.  S/he gets what s/he asks for and my “satisfaction” comes from knowing s/he is sated.

This is soooo not my element.  I’m a Butterfly!! I’m supposed to be in control.  I say yea or nay, now or not now.  I make the decisions around here!  Control Freak much? No, I’m a single mom with a home-based business; my life is about being in control.  I’m even the dominant in my romantic relationship, though my Pleaser has been flexing his muscles lately (no worries, I’ll put a stop to that too).

When a dominant is challenged, a power struggle ensues.  In any other relationship, I would advise you to sit down and talk.  Work out what the power issues are.  Take the time to uncover what is really creating this dissidence.  Yeah… not an option here.  It’s difficult to converse with someone who only hears the sound, not the clarity of your voice.  Someone who has a physical but not emotional action/reaction reflex.   I am under the complete control of a 5 inch tall alien who doesn’t even speak English!  For four months we’ve battled and we still have six to go!

(Yes, contrary to popular belief, pregnancy is not 9 months long, it’s 10.  Forty weeks has never and will never divide into 9 months.   That myth was created by some guy who wanted to give his wife a glimmer of hope that this would all be over sooner than she anticipated.  Buster.)

If you’ve ever watched Animal Kingdom, you know that when a dominant is stripped of its title, it can cause a temporary state of confusion, panic or anxiety, and that period is typically followed by malaise or depression.  Got the hat and t-shirt for those phases on my dresser.  Now I’ve moved into a general state of bliss.  You know they say ignorance is bliss, right?  I can claim all the ignorance I want because I’m not in control anymore.  The baby says it’s okay to have a Slurpee at 830 in the morning.  The baby says it’s okay to take two naps every day.  It’s not up to me anymore… la tee dah tee dah…  I love this time and I fully relinquish control.  I’m going to go have some cereal, eggs, fish sticks and greens now.  I’ll catch y’all later.

Two,

Ms. De

Squishy Truffle:  Sometimes life isn’t about what you make it; it’s about what it makes you.

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

July 17, 2010

Love & Trust

by Donya B
Betrayal of Love

Image: Jo So Lovely on Tumblr

You can’t trust him as far as you can throw him, can you?  You already saw her pictures in his email, but he swears that’s over.  Yet every time his phone rings, you watch his face and wonder if he’s going to take it out of the room.  He says he’s going to his sister’s house, so you call an hour later just to check.    But when he holds you in his arms, all of your doubts and fears disappear.  You love him with all your heart and you know he loves you too.  You just don’t trust him.

I’ve struggled with that concept for years, Love without Trust.  I guess it’s like when you’ve gotten popped by grease enough times, you realize you can’t cook bacon without expecting it.  If you want the bacon, you have to know there is a great chance you will get popped.  When you fall in love, know you may end up not trusting that person.  Call me crazy, but that sounds ridiculous and pathetic.  Why love someone you know is probably lying to you and doing exactly what you hope they’re not doing every time they leave your sight?  Is love that strong of an emotion? In a word, Yes.

Trust issues go well beyond significant others.  It invades family relationships just as easily.  You have a hard time visiting your brother and his wife because she was your fiancée less than a year before.  Your aunt watches you like a hawk when you come over because when you were a teen, you stole money out of her purse.  Your son was just released from jail, for the second time, and wants to move back home. Again.  There’s no trust, but there is still love.

Real trust requires forgiveness.  Forgiveness requires you to forget.  But we’re human; do we really have that capacity?  Can we actually forget when someone hurts us? We can say we forgive, but if you haven’t wiped the slate clean, you haven’t truly forgiven.  And if you haven’t forgiven, you can’t truly trust.  So now what do we do? Either you continue to love while peeking around corners and hacking emails or you actually let go of the pain.  Forget it happened.  Truly forgive, not just in your mind, but in your heart.  You can’t change the past, so why live in it?  Free yourself from the hurt and worry and love with an open heart.  Cook bacon naked.

Today’s Truffle:  Life isn’t as difficult as we tend to make it.  Learn to let go.

Two,

Ms. De

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

%d bloggers like this: