Posts tagged ‘Infidelity’

December 28, 2010

You Are Not The Father!

by Vonda Howard

Hey Vonda,

I am writing to you with a dilemma.  I have been with my now husband for 3 years and am very much in love.  There is just one huge cloud hanging over my head.  Three years ago when I met him, I was also still dating an on and off boyfriend.  Right at the beginning of our relationship, I got pregnant.  He didn’t hesitate to step up and it only made me fall for him harder.  The only thing he didn’t know was that I had still been sleeping with my ex and there was a very good chance that my daughter could be his.  I didn’t want to alert him when there was no need, so after my daughter was born I had a DNA test done without his knowing.  Vonda, my heart fell to a million pieces when it came back that he was not the father!  I could not bring myself to break his heart.  He had already fallen in love with her.  I did, however tell the other guy and he agreed to not say anything and let my, now husband, continue to believe she was his. He comes around often because I told my husband that he was my cousin. They have actually become good friends.

It is getting harder and harder to keep this a secret.  Her biological father is getting antsy because he wants to have a bigger role in her life and hates that she calls my husband “dada”.  What should I do, Vonda?  Should I tell him that the daughter he adores really isn’t his?  How do I even utter the words?

Dear He Is Not The Father,

All I can say is, are you serious?  I’m not sure what you want me to say here. I’m going to blunt.  You have essentially made a fool of this man.  It is obvious that he is a decent man if he didn’t ask any questions and TRUSTED YOU when you told him you were pregnant early in the relationship.  Most guys would have screamed paternity test.  (Which obviously is what he should have done!)  There is no way that you will be able to justify with me your lying to this man and letting him believe that the guy you are passing off as your cousin is actually an ex-boyfriend whom is the true father of the daughter he thinks is his.  WHAT??  I don’t have to spend a lot of time on telling you what to do, actually, I think YOU KNOW what it is you HAVE TO do.  You will have to tell this man the truth.  He deserves it.  Now, what he decides to do once you drop this bomb on him, you will just have to deal with.  It would have been much better if you had told him from the start that there was a chance this little girl wasn’t his and prevented the impending heartbreak you about to give. Also, what kind of man allows another man to “play daddy” with his child?  Either you want to be totally in your child’s life or you don’t.

I am going to be very direct when I say that you deserve for him to leave you.  Yep, I said it.  The fact that you would not only lie to him for three years, but that you would actually allow him to become friends with the man you cheated on him with and fathered the child he thinks is his is just plain low-down!  You claim that you “love” this man, but these are not the actions of a woman that truly knows what love is.  Bottom line…tell the man the truth and deal with the consequences.

Good luck,

Vonda

About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!


October 12, 2010

Tit For Tat

by Vonda Howard

Hurt

Hey Vonda,

I’ll get right to it. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years now and I love him very much. One year ago I made the huge mistake of cheating on him with a co-worker and have felt terrible about it ever since. Happily, he decided to forgive me and we moved forward with our relationship.

About a week ago,  I came home early from work and walked in on him having sex with one of our neighbors. He had no idea I was even there, so I backed out of the room. My first inclination was to go get a knife and kill both of them, but then I thought about when I cheated on him. I simply just left and haven’t said a word about it.

Am I crazy not to say anything?   I feel like I cheated on first so who am I to say anything to him?

Help Vonda!

Tit For Tat

Dear Tit For Tat,

I’m going to answer your question first…YES, you are crazy.

You talked about the fact that you cheated on him a few years ago.  If he forgave you, then it should be a non-issue moving forward.  When you forgive someone for something, that’s it.  It’s forgiven.  You should not continue to beat yourself up from a mistake you made YEARS ago.  You’re human and allowed to make them!  You learned from it (I hope) and moved on.

Now, that said, there is no way in HELL that you should let him get away with disrespecting you in YOUR home just because you feel bad about something in your past.  I don’t condone violence, but you should have definitely made yourself known along with throwing them both out!  You DO NOT have to sit and take that!  Frankly, if you start to let these types of things go, it WILL get worse because he will start to think he can do whatever he wants to you and get away with it.  Frankly, It sounds to me like the trust and respect is gone in this “relationship” and it either needs to be dealt with by therapy or ending it all together.  The two of you CANNOT continue to play these hurtful games with one another.  Either you are in or you’re out.

Hope I helped!

Vonda

About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!


October 5, 2010

Don’t Wanna Be A Fool…

by Vonda Howard

Hey Vonda,

I have a big problem. I currently live with my boyfriend of about 5 years. We have a pretty good relationship, I mean, he has cheated on me one time, but I think we got past it. About a year ago my best friend got put out of her apartment and needed somewhere to stay, so I let her move in with us. We had an extra bedroom and really could use the extra funds.

Now, Vonda, I may be a lot of things but stupid is not one of them. My boyfriend lost his job about 4 months ago so he is here all day. I have come home and found empty condom wrappers (we don’t use them) in the couch (that he says aren’t his) and he gets strange calls on his cell phone. That’s not even the half of it though! My best friend walks around the house in her bra and panties with him there. I have told her plenty of times, that this is not cool, but she still continues to do it. I have walked in on them giggling and whispering on more than one occasion. I have questioned both of them about it, but they both shoot me down and tell me that I am way off and they are just friends. What do you think Vonda? Should I kick both of them to the curb or am I just being jealous?

Don’t Wanna Be A Fool

Dear Don’t Wanna Be A Fool,

I hate to be the one to have to tell you this but…you are being a fool.  You may not want to be one, but you are.  From me reading this letter I can tell you flat out that this whole situation stinks.

Why is it that you have a grown man in the house that isn’t providing some sort of income?  I understand times are hard for everyone, but a brother can at least get a job at McDonald’s, Walmart or whatever until something better comes along.  There is no way an able bodied man should be sitting on the couch while you are at work.

It is nice to hear that you two were able to get past his indiscretion and move forward with the relationship.  However, forgiving him of what he did to you in the past does not mean you check in your intuition either.  Really?  It’s not his?  That is the best he could do?  You said you don’t use them, so where are they coming from?  The condom fairy?  Come on girl, wake up on that one!

Now, when it comes o your “best friend”…I can think of a lot of things she is and FRIEND is not one of them!  You gave this chick a roof over her head and this is how she repays you?  Her walking around your house AND in front of your man in her bra and panties is a major violation and should warrant you throwing her ass out.  A REAL friend would NOT disrespect you the way she is!  I can’t sit here and tell you whether or not they are doing anything, but from what I read, it doesn’t look good.

Honey, I say you just kick both of their low down behinds to the curb and get on with your life.  I don’t know you personally, but I can say that you deserve a hell of a lot better that what they are giving you!

Good Luck

Vonda

About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!


July 20, 2010

WTF?

by Vonda Howard

DL DudesWarning: Some content in this article contains strong language and may not be suitable for all readers.

________________

Hey what’s up Vonda,

My question is a little touchy. Now, I have been friends with this dude for almost 15 years now. I felt that I knew him pretty well; which is why I almost threw up when I saw him holding hands with another dude when he thought I was out of his view. That’s right, you heard me. Now, I stood there for a minute and tried to take this bullsh*t in wondering what the hell I was seeing. Vonda, it wasn’t just the hand holding, it was the long gazes into each others eyes too. It was obvious they had something going on! The thing that makes this sh*t even worse is that he is married! Yes, I said it MARRIED! I was best man at the dude’s wedding! He has BEAUTIFUL WIFE! I tried to get at her before they got together and I stepped aside so that he could have a chance at her! So, you are telling me that now that he has her, he is gonna do some sh*t like this?

My question for you is, should I say something to him about this? Should I just end the friendship and be done with it? Better yet, should I say something to his wife? Vonda, I need your input on this one!

Sincerely,

WTF?

________________

Dear WTF,

Wow…okay first off, you did the right thing by not saying anything at that moment about what you saw. That can be a lot for a person to take in!

Normally, I would say to each his own, or the fact that your friend is gay is no big deal, and should have no bearing on whether you guys remain friends, but his and keeping this from his wife, is just downright wrong! I would not advise that you go to his wife and tell her anything. First off, she probably won’t believe you and second, it could backfire on you severely. (Especially since you tried to get with her before he did. It will make you look like a trouble maker.) Now, I can gather from your short description of his wife that you may still have some attraction to her. Not saying that you have been inappropriate with her or even thought about it. I’m just saying to make sure that your intentions are on point when dealing with this. You should be in this to help her get away from a potentially dangerous situation…that’s it. IF he is having sex with this other man, is he using condoms? Like I said, because you guys have some sort of history, you don’t want to come off like the dirty lying scumbag.

The best way for you to deal with it is to talk with him one on one. Tell him exactly what it is you saw and how it made you as his friend feel. Don’t attack him for being gay, but let him know that his sneaking around is not okay! Make sure he is aware of the danger he is putting his wife (and children, if there are any) in IF he isn’t using condoms. If he is gay, he needs to let her know and end the relationship. Yes, it will be hard and very painful for everyone involved, but this behavior has to stop.

In the end, all you can do is let him know that you know and require him to come clean. Still, ultimately, it will be your word against his. If he still refuses, the best thing for you to do, may be to just end the friendship. It may be hard for you to do, since you have known one another for so long, but there is really nothing you can do outside of catching him on video or having his wife catch him in the act some kind of way. Best of luck to you! I truly hope I helped you!

Vonda

About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!

July 13, 2010

Oh no this “BLEEP” didn’t!

by Vonda Howard

CheatersHey Vonda!

Okay, I have a problem and I REALLY need your opinion.  I have a girlfriend I think she is dirty.  Now, I may be a little off, but I wanted to get your opinion.  I have known her for like 2 years now and we are pretty close.  I am currently in cosmetology school and go to classes in the evening.  A little while ago, I had a conversation with her on the phone and she asked if I wanted to hang out, but I told her I wouldn’t be able to because I had to go to class.  She said okay and asked what time I would be leaving.  I told her around 4 so I could get there early and do a little studying.  She said okay and we moved the conversation on.  Later that same afternoon, I was running a little late for class and heard a knock on the door from my bedroom.  My husband was home from work (like he always by this time), and heard her at the door asking was I home.  Now, I had told her earlier that I would be gone by this time, so why would she stop by and ask that?  I came out of the back room and her face went pale when she saw me.  She tried to say that she forgot and we left together.

The next questionable time was when we were going to a local play together and she stopped by the house so that we could leave together.  She came in and was wearing jeans so tight I could she her heartbeat!  She would make it a point to walk around and bend over whenever my husband was in the room.  Now, there is never a worry where my husband is concerned, we have a really solid relationship.  She has never came on to my husband or been out of pocket with him, am I just being overly sensitive or is this really a problem I should take care of?

Thanks!
“About to take this bitch out!”

Dear About To Take This Bitch Out,

Okay, we are gonna get right to this…she’s down right DIRTY.  First off, this sideways chick is NOT your friend.  She showed you who she was as a woman when she showed up at your house “conveniently” when you weren’t home.  You did good, because I would have been in that ass!  She knew exactly what she was doing and she had it planned right from the moment she asked you what time you’d be leaving.

See, I know chicks like this…lonely little undercover haters that can’t stand see a woman that has the things she is too screwed up in the head to get.  Every time that bitch bent over in front of your man she should have had a foot in her ass!

You sound like a nice and giving person, which is probably why she is your friend.  Now, I know you said you and your husband have a solid relationship, but I do think you guys need to talk about this.  Not saying he has done anything to provoke her or invite her classless behavior, but just so you guys are on the same page with what needs to happen; which is YOU CUTTING HER ASS OFF.

Now, let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a second.  Some may ask what your hubby has done to make her feel comfortable enough to even act this way?  That is something you and your husband would need to talk about privately without you going into it accusing him right off.   That will just make things worse, especially if he hasn’t done anything.  Like you said, if he is a stand up guy, there should be no problems talking about it. It may be just her picking up on the fact that he’s a good guy.

Bottom line is this “woman” needs to be let go.  She is obviously after what you have.  My advice, go and find some friends that are secure in themselves and their own relationships.

Hope I helped!

V

About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!

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