When to Mend?

by Donya B

Broken hearted

In my time here, we’ve looked at relationships from every sort of angle, even the final cut.  But what about the possibility of a sequel?  It may not have gone right the first time, but who’s to say it can’t be fixed and work right the next time?  Where is it written that you can never go back?  I had an X who said he never took steps backward, yet we dated three different times in our lives because he was certain that I was the one he “shouldn’t have let go”.  I’ve seen marriages reconcile after years of separation.  I’ve known people who’ve remarried their former spouses because they had changed.   So there is plenty of proof out there that what was wrong can be righted.  But when is it worth it?

Some break-ups need to stay broken.  Abusive relationships, for example, should not on any grounds be rekindled.  The mental damage alone can never be salved and will always linger, even if the offender “has changed”.    Some say unfaithful relationships shouldn’t be fixed.  If he cheated on you before, he’ll cheat on you again… Yes, that is quite valid, but is it always true?  If she cheated with you, she’ll cheat on you…  So is that to say someone who has fidelity issues never deserves a second chance?  Can a behavior like that be retrained?  My guess would be that it can, depending on the nature of the retraining.  Caveat:  if one of you is still married and the other is not the spouse, then no… let’s not try to work that out.

Then there are those relationships that just plain fell apart.  The little things built up and became one BIG thing and everything just exploded.  You couldn’t stand the way he chewed… Her bra hanging on the doorknob drove you nuts… The way he’d finish your sentences annoyed you to no end…  If she sided with your mother one more time, you were going to lose it… And that damn toilet seat!! Enough is enough!  Gotta shake this spot now and leave it shook!

But then he calls you a week later just to see how you’re doing.  You listen to the message five times before deciding not to call him back.  You spot her across the grocery store, and linger around even though you’ve got what you need, just to be able to see her.  What’s making you hold on?  Is it the memories of all the good times?  Is it all the things you planned to do together?  Is it the emptiness you feel when you’re sitting at home alone?  If you break it down and realize you’re not pining for that person, but a person to fill that space, then no, it’s not worth mending.  But if your mind is filled with that person, and only that person, you know you want to make it work.  So do it.  You won’t know until you try whether or not your feelings are just yours or if she’s on the same wavelength, but too proud to say.

“Send her roses, just because… If it’s violins she loves, let them play… If you need her so much more, why don’t you say? Maybe she has it in her mind that she’s just wasting her time.  Ask her to stay, find one hundred ways!” – James Ingram


Ms. De

About Donya:

Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.


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