The X-Factor

by Donya B

[Editor’s Note: Please excuse this late posting of Donya’s Relatables. Both my wife and I have been stuck in the ER battling allergies to ct dander of all things. In any case, please enjoy the post and sorry again for the delay.]


I don’t know that there is one single person that you can look at who can illicit such a varied range of emotions.  Anger, sadness, pain, pity, regret, vindication, relief, jealousy, righteousness, absolution and even sometimes, Love.  If you think about it, it probably wasn’t too long ago that you could look at that person and think, “Wow, this one is mine…” or better yet, “It’s like I can see my forever in her eyes.”  But what is it you see now?

How is it that some emotions linger while others flip like a light switch?  How is it that one day you’re madly in love and the next you loath the thought of X?  It’s that thin line between love and hate, isn’t it?  You never think about it when you’re up to your eyeballs in love, but as soon as it’s over, you wonder how it wasn’t completely obvious.  It makes you wonder if you really loved that person, or the idea of that person…

And then there’s that awkward moment when you find yourself face to face with X again.  Whether out of chance or necessity, the first sight again is a heart-stopping moment.  Will he see the pain in your eyes?  Will you see the remorse in his?  Will she ignore you like yesterday’s trash?  Can you keep your “playa” image up while she shoots daggers from her eyes?  What do you say?  How do you act?  Is there an escape route if all hell breaks loose?

The best way to handle it:  Be mature.  It may have ended badly, but assuming neither of you ended up doing jail time for the break-up, it is possible to maintain a courteous relationship.  I have spoken often to several of my X’s, regardless of how it ended or what led up to the dissolution.  Why? Because I can and because I refuse to hold a grudge.  What point does it serve to continue to be angry at someone?  Who does it serve to keep rekindling the pain you felt?  If you don’t benefit from an emotion, why choose to feel it?

It goes back to loving You.  Love You enough to let go of the negativity you associate with X because all that negativity does is weaken you.  You are stronger, smarter, better and healthier than that!  Be the bigger person in every situation.  Don’t take the low road, the gutter, the dirty way.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and hold your head high!  Every test is the beginning of a testimony!  There is nothing X did that you couldn’t get through.  Chalk it up to a lesson learned and greet them with a smile!  You’re worth it!


Ms. De

Rose Oil Truffle:  If you keep your arms wrapped around the past, you won’t be able to hold a brighter future.

About Donya:

Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.


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