Not Going To Let Her “Take It There”

by Vonda Howard

Hey Vonda,

I hope this letter finds you well.  I’ll get right to my question.  I am the mom of a beautiful, yet nerve strangling 16 year old girl.  Now, I say that, but she really doesn’t give me any other issues that any other normal teen girl would.  I have noticed that recently she has taken in interest in one particular little boy.  I taught my daughter well about standards, so he is not a “thug” or a “hoodrat”.  I actually met him a few times and he is a very well mannered young man.

Herein lies the issue…I was coming out of the bathroom and overheard her and a girlfriend that was visiting at the time, talking about this boy.  Her girlfriend asked her if they were going to “take it there” and she answered that she was thinking about it!!  I cannot say how mortified I was!

Vonda, we have a great relationship and we talk about everything, but she has not come to me about any of this.  Sure, we talk about boys and crushes, but she hasn’t said a word about having sex.  I had a friend tell me to, in essence, snoop on her (i.e. read her diary, listen to her calls, etc.) and I am not sure how I feel about that.  I want to give my daughter some level of privacy, but I want to make sure she is on the right path also.  What do you think?

Dear “Not Going To Let Her “Take It There”,

I can totally understand how hearing these things can set you into panic mode because I have a teen daughter myself.

First, I applaud you for not bursting into her room and losing your mind when you heard it.  From what I read in your letter, it sounds like you have done a great job raising her.  It’s natural for a girl her age to begin to start wondering about sex and boys and you want to make sure you keep the relationship open like it is now.  The LAST thing you want to do is destroy any trust between the two of you.  Snooping in her diary and listening to her calls would do just that.  The best way to handle this in my opinion is to reiterate to her that she can talk to you about any and everything.  Plan some Girl’s Day Outs, go out to dinner together and engage her in conversations.  You DON’T want to come down on her for something she may not have even done yet.  Don’t let on that you heard or know anything, just start some conversations about sex as a whole and of course how to stay safe.  Frankly, you only really heard one small piece of the conversation, “take it there” could mean something totally different from what you are thinking.

You can also set someone both of you trust (a Aunt, older cousin, friend) in her path too to be that extra ear also.  This way, if there is something that she may be a little uncomfortable talking with you about, she has another trusted outlet to go to.  Like you said, you talk about everything and she has not said a word about having sex.

Take it from someone that got “snooped” on, it is a MAJOR breech of trust and privacy and it will only put a huge gap between you and make things a whole lot more difficult.  Good luck!


About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this and you may get featured!


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