Archive for September 4th, 2010

September 4, 2010

I can’t lie, it would be fly…

by Donya B
Coochie Coupon

The infamous "Coochie Coupon"

At one time, they were called Friends with Benefits.  Sometimes they’re called Buddies.  To some they’re called Fbuddies.  Whatever you call them, they’re our “feel goods” and our “go to’s”.  The person that you’re not “in a relationship” with, but you know you can call on to fill the lonely times, day or night.

This is one of those grey area relationships… And yes, it is still a relationship.  It’s not a commitment, but it’s not a drive-by either.  You’re not significant others, but you’re far from being strangers.  You’re not a secret (unless you have to be), but you don’t hang out with each other’s families either.  You know what floats his boat and he knows you inside and out. Literally.  You can go out on a date if you wanted to, but that’s not the nature of your relationship.  It’s about the sex and the intentional lack of commitment.

Sex with no commitment?  Isn’t that dangerous?  Can’t that be detrimental to one’s emotional welfare?  Only to those who don’t understand the rules of engagement.  And trust me, this game is not for everyone.  In my opinion, this is a harder game for women to play than it is for men.  For the most part, sex is emotional for women.  It’s generally physical for men.  (That is not to say there aren’t men who get emotionally attached by sex; they exist, so these relationships are difficult for them too.)  But when the relationship is defined from Day One, it’s a lot easier to handle.  When both partners agree to what is acceptable, fair and safe, then in a way, it becomes like any other relationship.  Everyone is happy and satisfied!

But what happens when the heart gets in the way?  I had a buddy way back that (I thought) fully understood what we were.  We were rolling along fine and dandy for about six months, then one day I woke and he was lovingly watching me sleep… I never said a word about it, but over the next few months, he began distancing himself until he was completely gone.  In these relationships, the heart cannot get involved unless it’s mutual.

Now on the other hand, when you know you can’t get emotionally involved with your buddy, does that mean you can’t or shouldn’t get involved with someone else?  You’re not cheating on your buddy because there is no commitment.  But at the same time, if you start seeing someone emotionally, you can’t keep bumping uglies with your buddy.  I know, no fair!  But is it fair to your new interest to have to share you with your buddy?  And how will your buddy feel when you start canceling your regular Thursday night pizza and romp for some person you barely even know?  Once again, these need to be considered in the very beginning.

Some say this isn’t a “healthy” type of relationship.  I disagree.  I think a relationship that satisfies your mind and body and harms no one is perfectly healthy.  Not exactly morally centered, but it can be healthy.  Stay protected since you’re not committed to each other exclusively and it can be physically healthy too.  Sex is great exercise! (Ok, I’m stretching it a bit here, but you know…)

Bottom line, know what you’re getting into before you jump in.  Understand there will be times when you want some, but she’s not available.  There will be times when you want to cuddle/marinate, but he’s got to bounce.  It is what it is.  You know you’re just in for the skin, so put your heart away and have fun!  Be careful, be smart, but have fun.


Ms. De

Decadent Truffle:  Take it for what it is, a great opportunity to learn what you like!
About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

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