Her Husband’s Best Friend

by Vonda Howard

Best Friends

Hey Vonda,

I hope this letter finds you well.  I have a question for you.  I have a best friend that I have known since we were in grade school.  We talk about everything, we go almost everywhere together, we talk on the phone everyday…we are literally like siblings.  One thing I didn’t mention is that he is a guy.  Now, that has never been an issue with us, there has never been any fooling around, no longing stares…we are just friends.  I really consider him my brother.

Recently he got married and I couldn’t have been happier for him that he found such a great lady to spend his life with.  Things were okay while they were dating, we even double dated quite a few times.  Now, since they are married, he says that she all of a sudden wants him to “cut some of the ties” with me.  What?  He was and is very baffled by how she is acting and he refuses to cut me off.  Which needless to say, is causing a bit of tension in the relationship.

Vonda, I don’t want to be the cause of problems in his house, but I don’t want to lose my best friend of over 35 years either!  I have scaled back how much I call him, but miss talking to him every day like we are used to doing.  He tells me that he is not going to destroy a relationship of over 30 years for one that is only 4.  What should I do?   I don’t want to lose my best friend in the world, but I also don’t want to be the reason his marriage fails either. Help!!

“Her Husband’s Best Friend”

Dear Her Husband’s Best Friend,

This is an hard question with an easy answer.  Actually, the answer is in the title…HER HUSBAND.  I understand that you two have been friends for the long amount of time you have, but you both have to realize that there is another party in this now…HIS WIFE.    Although, I understand the concept of having guy friends that are just that friends, I have to check the both of you on this one.  It would be blatant disrespect on your part and his to ignore her feelings in this situation.  Frankly, the fact that he said that “he wont destroy a relationship of over 30 for one that has lasted only 4” really stands out to me.  YOU say there are no dormant feelings involved on your part, but what about him?  The fact that he is willing to possibly demolish his relationship with his wife just to make sure he maintains a very active “friendship” with you is a bit suspect.  Considering that all of you used to double date and seemed to have a okay relationship, this change of heart with her probably comes from her picking up on something you may not be. Also, he SHOULD NOT be relaying to you any private conversations he is having with his wife.  That is a big no-no.

Basically, my advice to you is to respect her wishes.  She asked him to “cut SOME of the ties”, not all of them.  To me, she is being very accommodating in not asking him to cut you off completely.  She deserves to have the type of relationship you guys have together with him for herself.  Honestly, the moment he said “I do”, SHE became his new best friend, regardless of how long you two have known one another.  You as his friend, should allow her that.  You never know, you may even gain a new friend.

Good luck to you!


About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!


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