Insert Puppy Dog Eyes Here…

by Donya B

puppy-dog-eyes[Editor’s Note: Sorry for the delay in posting. I’ve been in the bed all day battling allergies (Oh, what fun!). Without further ado, please enjoy Donya’s Relatables.]

You know you’re wrong, right?  You know good and well that what you did, or what you’re about to do, could be the dumbest thing you could possibly do in the course of your relationship.  You know that if your mate ever found out, their trust in you, your credibility and the future of your relationship would all be jeopardized.  But if you told on yourself, you know for certain you’d lose it all.  So instead, you apologize.  Not in words, but in actions.

First comes the extra attention.  Then a few more stolen kisses.  Then you surprise him with his favorite ice cream.  Or you buy her flowers.   You know, just because…

You do realize that if you keep it up for too long, they’ll catch on right?  Even though you’ll try hard to ease back into whatever routine you were in before you screwed up, something will be askew.  You always were attentive and affectionate, but you also helped out around the house.  Now the trash is overflowing.  But there are extra kisses!  You always made dinner, something different every night, but now there’s no cornbread with it.  But the sex is off the chain!  Like the song says, something something, something something just ain’t right…

How long can you keep up the charade?  How long do you think your mate will accept your extra love without starting to question it?  Before the scent of the roses and stargazers finishes flooding her nostrils, the words, “what did you do” will start rolling off her tongue.  Suspicion lurks and the only thing you can do is play dumb, get defensive or confess.  Pick your poison.

Of course the smartest idea was not to have done (or stop considering doing) whatever you’re trying to hide.  Guilt is a mother sublime!  Like I said the other week about lying; if you’ll have to lie to cover it up, don’t do it!  That little white is going to continue to snowball and catch up to you at the worst possible moment.  Next smartest course of action: confess and apologize from your heart.  Be sure to either be completely naked and defenseless or completely covered in armor from head to toe because it’s not going to be pretty.  But you know you deserve whatever comes…

If your mate is like me, you’ll have no idea what to expect.  I’m not a scrapper; I don’t fight, so you don’t have to worry about physical harm.  But white hot anger is not unfamiliar to me.  It’s that kind of heat that blisters the skin slowly and makes it peel away like melted wax.  Then I’ll smile, patch it up and wait for it to scab.  Then I’ll pick at it again, smiling all the while, when you’re not expecting it… Eventually I’ll let go and let God handle it, but I succumb to humanity over divinity for just a moment.  But will I walk away completely?  Possibly not.  If the love is strong enough and the confession sincere enough and the plan of correction plausible enough, anything is possible.  I’ve never been one to throw out the baby with the bathwater, so another try is not out of the realm.

Maybe he’ll forgive you, maybe he won’t.  But you can’t keep it bottled up inside and keep playing this game.  It’s like putting perfume on a pig.  Doesn’t make it clean, and it only smells better for a second.  Clean up your messes before they become disasters.  It will hurt and you may lose, but what you will have gained is a valuable lesson in integrity.  Play smart, not dirty.


Ms. De

Smooth Truffle: Anita said it best, “I apologize, believe me I do. I apologize, honest and true. Cuz I knew I was wrong, that’s why I’m singing this song, tryna get through…” Try it.  She might put the skillet down.

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

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