Unintentional Other Woman

by Vonda Howard

theotherwomanHey Vonda,

I really hope you pick my question for the next column.  I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now and I can truly say that I am in love with him and he is in love with me.  Recently, while out with some friends at a mall, I saw him walking hand and hand with some woman I had never seen before.  That’s not even the kicker…they both had on wedding rings!  Now, I can truly say that I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS MARRIED.  He never showed any of the tell tale signs; he is always available when I call him, we eat out a public places, he even spends the night!

I called him up later that night and he admitted to me that, yes, he was married, but they are going through a “trial separation”.  He also said that in the time that he has been apart from her, he has fallen totally in love with me and just hasn’t found the right way to let her know that they are over.

Vonda, I really love this man and want to be with him, but don’t want to be an idiot and DEFINITELY don’t want to be the other woman.  What should I do?

Unintentional Other Woman

Dear Unintentional Other Woman,

I don’t even have to spend a lot of time on this.  You know and I know what has to happen here…this has to end…NOW.  I understand and I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you didn’t know he was married, but now that you do, there is no excuse.  I’m sure you’ve heard all the excuses men give to keep you around, like “I’m going to leave her, but can’t right now because *insert bullsh#t here*”. If this is a trial separation, I can guarantee his wife is probably expecting this relationship to be repaired at some point. So, it’s really low-down that he is using this time to lie to her and you.

It also seems a little suspect because they both were wearing rings when they were out together? Why would a couple that is separated wear rings?   You really need to think about these things.

Honey, you cannot allow this man to use you.  (Yes, use you.)  If this relationship is truly meant to be, it will be there for both of you AFTER he breaks things off with his wife.  Yes, that’s right…HIS WIFE…which is what she still is right now.  So, if you continue to see him, you will be just what you say you don’t want to be… the other woman.  I can assume from this letter that you have more respect for yourself  and won’t allow this this to continue.

Like I said, if this is truly meant to be, the relationship will withstand you two breaking things off until he closes the door on his marriage first.  Until then you need to show him the door.  Hope I helped!


About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!

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