Let Go Sometimes…

by Donya B

I have lived in my body for nearly 40 years.  I have had complete control of my comings and goings, likes and dislikes, desires and aversions.  No one has had the audacity to even attempt to exhibit corporal control over my life.  Yes, I was with a Dictator for almost 6 years, but even he couldn’t tell me what to eat and what not to wear.  I have been my own person my whole life.  Until now.  If you’ve seen me on Facebook, then you know I’m pregnant.

(Since I spoke on one mother-child relationship last week, it’s only fair to speak on the other now.  I know there probably aren’t many of you out there that can “Relate to my Relatables” this week, but humor me and keep reading anyway…)

You remember in Men In Black the little alien that was inside the guy’s head?  It was his command center, his bridge for the human body ship?  Yeah, that’s what’s going on.  My life is under the control of a miniature Dictator who exhibits no specific regard for what I think, how I feel or what I want.  In this relationship, I have been forced into the Pleaser quadrant with Doormat tendencies (you didn’t think I could tie this together with my other blogs, did you? Ha!!).  My focus in this relationship is to keep my Dictator happy.  S/he gets what s/he asks for and my “satisfaction” comes from knowing s/he is sated.

This is soooo not my element.  I’m a Butterfly!! I’m supposed to be in control.  I say yea or nay, now or not now.  I make the decisions around here!  Control Freak much? No, I’m a single mom with a home-based business; my life is about being in control.  I’m even the dominant in my romantic relationship, though my Pleaser has been flexing his muscles lately (no worries, I’ll put a stop to that too).

When a dominant is challenged, a power struggle ensues.  In any other relationship, I would advise you to sit down and talk.  Work out what the power issues are.  Take the time to uncover what is really creating this dissidence.  Yeah… not an option here.  It’s difficult to converse with someone who only hears the sound, not the clarity of your voice.  Someone who has a physical but not emotional action/reaction reflex.   I am under the complete control of a 5 inch tall alien who doesn’t even speak English!  For four months we’ve battled and we still have six to go!

(Yes, contrary to popular belief, pregnancy is not 9 months long, it’s 10.  Forty weeks has never and will never divide into 9 months.   That myth was created by some guy who wanted to give his wife a glimmer of hope that this would all be over sooner than she anticipated.  Buster.)

If you’ve ever watched Animal Kingdom, you know that when a dominant is stripped of its title, it can cause a temporary state of confusion, panic or anxiety, and that period is typically followed by malaise or depression.  Got the hat and t-shirt for those phases on my dresser.  Now I’ve moved into a general state of bliss.  You know they say ignorance is bliss, right?  I can claim all the ignorance I want because I’m not in control anymore.  The baby says it’s okay to have a Slurpee at 830 in the morning.  The baby says it’s okay to take two naps every day.  It’s not up to me anymore… la tee dah tee dah…  I love this time and I fully relinquish control.  I’m going to go have some cereal, eggs, fish sticks and greens now.  I’ll catch y’all later.

Two,

Ms. De

Squishy Truffle:  Sometimes life isn’t about what you make it; it’s about what it makes you.

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

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