Because I Like Her Today…

by Donya B
mother_daughter

Image Credit: Chris Darling

Some of the best relationships in the world are not sought out, they’re placed gently in your arms. Today, I’m talking about Daughters.

I have a beautiful 13 year old that I wouldn’t trade for all the tea in Switzerland (maybe China, but not Switzerland).  She is my twin inside and out, there is no denying that fact.  My family calls her Lil De because she’s so much like me.  I personally love hearing it, but I know she’s sick to death of it.  What I appreciate most about her twinness is that I know what to anticipate and how to perhaps alter the course.

By 4 she was reading ahead of her pre-k class, just like I was.  She skipped first grade and went into accelerated learning classes in elementary school, just like I did.  She was a timid public speaker who, like me, surrounded herself with more male than female friends and was looked to as a leader among them.  And also like me, she’s gone through a few vertical then horizontal growth spurts. I know keeping her active going into high school will curb her genetic tendency to continue to spread horizontally.  She won’t have a choice but to be a “thick sista”, she’s gonna get that honest.  But being physically fit will help shape some awesome curves on her.

That’s where I skid the car to a screeching halt.  I remember when I was a bright, vivacious, curvy, boy-friendly teen.   I had friends in high and low places and knew exactly which ones to talk to and when.  I know she isn’t as devious as I was (or she’s 100x better because she hasn’t been caught), but I know she’s a master manipulator.  It will be in these teenage years that the Battles of Brilliance will take place.  She and I have a very open relationship, we can talk about anything, but I know there will be things that will never come out of her mouth because she knows we will not agree.  There will be thoughts that will go through her head that she will have to turn away from me to even collect.  There will be desires that will either lurk in shadows to be fulfilled or turn to dust and blow away because she won’t feel able to voice them to me.  I know this because she is me.

Only by the Grace of God did I not get caught up in the trappings of my pubescent mind.  According to my parents, I should have been pregnant and living on the street by the time I was 16.  There were bigger and better plans in my future, so that did not become my fate.  I don’t see my daughter taking that turn, but if she does, she knows I’m there to guide her back safely.  As mothers, that is what we need to do.  We need to make sure our girls have positive role models to follow, strong boundaries to guide them and softened ears to listen to them.  We need to be open to following what is going on with them and not shut them down, but give them positive suggestions to help them succeed.

High school is a scary enough place to navigate.  Truthfully, every new step in a girl’s life is scary.  Be her beacon.  Show her the right way, even if you did it the wrong way.  Take time to be there, not just in spirit, but physically and emotionally.  Don’t rein her in, but don’t leave her leash too loose either.  Be the mom that she will aspire to be.

Sweet Truffle:  Let her paint your nails and comb your hair when she’s young, and she’ll look forward to doing it when you get old.

Two,

Ms. De

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

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