I Think She is My Daughter…

by Vonda Howard

fatherdaughterHi Vonda,
I have a little situation, well maybe a big situation.  I am a 45 year old male, married for 20 years to a beautiful woman with 2 kids.  Well here is my story:

About two years ago my wife and I separated for about a few months and in my mind I did not think we would get back together.  During this separation I went out a couple of times with my friends and one night I hooked up with this young lady and we had sex.  I knew this was reckless, but it was only this one time.
Nevertheless, my wife and I got back together and we have the best relationship any man could ask for.  My 25 year old son brought home this young lady the other day that he was dating and what do you know, it is the same lady that I hooked up with!  Of course we both knew the other but we played it off.  Here is the kicker; she has a 2 year old daughter that is a splitting image of my daughter when she was her age!  My son is very serious about this young lady and I think he will propose to her soon.  Should I say something to my wife and son or just go with the flow?
Thanks!
“I Think She Is My Daughter”

___***___

Dear “I Think She Is My Daughter”,


First, I’m going to state the obvious in this whole conundrum you’re in here; and that is that a condom would have alleviated all this that you are in right now.  I mean, fine, you are an adult and I am not the one to say that you and this woman shouldn’t have any sexual freedom, but be responsible about it.  There are way too many diseases floating around for you two to be “raw dogging” it.


Okay, now that I got that out, let’s talk about this issue.  Plain and simple, you are going to have to tell the truth.  I mean, if there was no possible child involved and your son was not dating her, I would say, just let it be in your past and move on, but neither of those things is the case.


Let’s look take a look:


#1…Tell your wife.  The one thing that pisses us off the most is finding stuff out at the ass end.  If there are no lingering feelings for this woman, and you and your wife were TRULY separated at the time, then there should be no real reason not to tell her.  Yes, she may be a bit put off about it, but I can guarantee you that the fallout will be a lot softer than it would if she found out any other way.


#2…Talk to the chick.  IF this is your child, a DNA test should be the first step.  If this is your child, be a man and step up to the plate.  Just that simple.


#3…Tell your son.  Now, this one may actually be the most difficult.  Although all of this is just a horrible accident, it will still cut him pretty deep.  It is obvious he loves this woman if he plans on marrying her.  The last thing they need is this huge cloud hanging over their heads.  At least if it’s out in the open, he and she can talk about things and decide what THEY want to do with the relationship going forward.


If all this is put out on the table and discussed among all of you, it may be able to be worked out.  Even if it doesn’t, at least there are no lies floating around that can destroy  the relationships even more.


Well, good luck and I hope I helped.


Vonda

About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this address:heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured!

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3 Comments to “I Think She is My Daughter…”

  1. Man keep your mouth shut about the one night stand and the kid. For all you know the baby may not be yours! If it’s been two years and the mother has never told you about the child then it’s a reason for that, it might not be yours. Why mess up a great relationship with your wife and son if there is no need to? That’s where we as men mess up. We go runnin and tellin our women every little thing we do then find out later that we had no reason to tell it in the first place. Bruh take this one to the grave!

    • I completely disagree with you Torrie. Relationships, especially those of the marital sort, are built on trust. There is absolutely nothing trustworthy about keeping this situation from your spouse and son. What your suggesting will only lead to greater – not fewer – problems. Even if the child turns out not to be his he will still have the respect of his wife and son if he tells them the truth at the beginning rather than having them find out some other way.

      As far as men “messing up” by telling their significant others “too much” I think that’s a very poor way to view things. If anything, a real man, who is truly interested in any sort of meaningful relationship, will know that this is definitely not a time to be keeping quiet. It’s not about telling everything we do (By the way, if we are on the up and up there wouldn’t be a need to air all our dirty secrets in the first place, right?). It is about maintaining a healthy level of respect and trust. To the brother that wrote in: don’t be a fool and not say anything. The longer you wait the worse the fallout will be. Oh, in case anyone was wondering, I’m MALE! heed my words; let your wife/son know what’s up.

      M.

  2. If yous son is now dating this woman as you say, then she must be pretty young, What is wrong with you men today, the first thing when there is a problem you turn to women half your age, does that solve the problem or just create a new one? Like this now start thinking with your brain men, not with the PPPPp. I am sorry but this is on you, if the child is yours take care of it. How will this affect your son, you all don”t think of your kids when you are out there, all you think about is your instant pleasure, well you cannot have pleasure with out pain. Now it’s the pain coming into play, just as you had your pleasure deal with the pain. I am sure it will do more harm than good, for now but deal with it as a man. Apologise to your wife, first and formost, don’t know if she would understand, but do it anyway, and as for your son, that hurt he will feel will destroy that relationship, so good luck. GOOD THING IT’S A CHILD AND NOT HIV. How much does a pack of condum cost.????.Also what is this chick saying in all this, she must know if she got pregnant by you, is she trying to hurt you or spite you this way? Why would a woman who slept with a man and possibly have a child by him would want to be with the son. Wouldn’t this child be a constant reminder to the son that his father slept with his wife, this sounds fishy to me. Be careful, it may be a better thing to have an open conversation with all parties involved, just a suggestion. I am not a therapist.

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