Enter the Distractor…

by Donya B

He was deployed and made “friends” with a woman on the ship. He insisted they were just friends, but her name came up much too regularly in conversations with his wife.  She didn’t like that too much… He told her if she had a problem with it, she could pack up and be gone by the time he got back!  They eventually worked it out, but the thought of it all still lingers.

The bane of every relationship: The Distractor!

giving up

Don't let Distractors affect your relationship

What is a Distractor?  You know you know them… Those people who somehow plant themselves right in the middle of your relationship.  Your co-worker who’s going through a nasty divorce and whispering in your ear that true love doesn’t exist… His mother who calls and comes by everyday “just to check in”… The fellas who are all cheating on their women so they make it seem perfectly ok…  The ex who just doesn’t know how to let go…  The flirty new cashier… Your mother who’s telling you your spouse isn’t good enough for you… Distractors!

My grandmother once told me that she is convinced that there are people who were put on this planet simply to cause distress.  Having lived these 29++ years with nary a drama-free day, I’d have to agree with her.

What exactly is their purpose in our lives?  Distractors have a very important job: they push two people far enough apart to make them really examine their relationship.  They drive the wedge in just deep enough for both sides to stop and think, “Am I ready, willing or able to let go?  Is this worth saving? Why?”  Is their motive to help your relationship?  Of course not!  There is something they intend to gain out of splitting you apart.  Most likely, it’s to gain the attention of their target. Sometimes it’s for the simple satisfaction of destroying something; either way, they are on a personal mission.

How do we get rid of them?  You can’t ignore them, no matter how hard you try.  You can’t brush them off, they’re sticky boogers.  All you can do is recognize them, assess their worth, determine their purpose and knock them the hell out! (Well, not physically, that would be assault.  You can still read my blog in jail, but it wouldn’t be worth it…) But these things you have to do together as a couple.  This isn’t a one-person battle.  My Distractor is a “phantom”, but my message to her went a little something like this, “You aren’t big enough to me.  I have much more important things to deal with in my world than you.  You’re just trying to sour the milk, but today, I’m making buttermilk pancakes.  Pass the syrup then get the hell on…” The wedge is slipping away and it feels wonderful!

Stand up for what’s yours and take nothing for granted.  As long as the two of you are on the same page, your Distractor doesn’t have a fighting chance.  And please, don’t ever let anyone dictate the value of your relationship.

Real Dark Chocolate Truffle:  Unless they’re feeding, f**king or financing you, don’t give them a say in your relationship.


Ms. De
About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.


One Comment to “Enter the Distractor…”

  1. I like this post. I just happened upon it while blog surfing. great content. For any one already in jail, reading your blog may be a just the thing to lead to toward making better judgment callls.

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