by Vonda Howard

DL DudesWarning: Some content in this article contains strong language and may not be suitable for all readers.


Hey what’s up Vonda,

My question is a little touchy. Now, I have been friends with this dude for almost 15 years now. I felt that I knew him pretty well; which is why I almost threw up when I saw him holding hands with another dude when he thought I was out of his view. That’s right, you heard me. Now, I stood there for a minute and tried to take this bullsh*t in wondering what the hell I was seeing. Vonda, it wasn’t just the hand holding, it was the long gazes into each others eyes too. It was obvious they had something going on! The thing that makes this sh*t even worse is that he is married! Yes, I said it MARRIED! I was best man at the dude’s wedding! He has BEAUTIFUL WIFE! I tried to get at her before they got together and I stepped aside so that he could have a chance at her! So, you are telling me that now that he has her, he is gonna do some sh*t like this?

My question for you is, should I say something to him about this? Should I just end the friendship and be done with it? Better yet, should I say something to his wife? Vonda, I need your input on this one!




Dear WTF,

Wow…okay first off, you did the right thing by not saying anything at that moment about what you saw. That can be a lot for a person to take in!

Normally, I would say to each his own, or the fact that your friend is gay is no big deal, and should have no bearing on whether you guys remain friends, but his and keeping this from his wife, is just downright wrong! I would not advise that you go to his wife and tell her anything. First off, she probably won’t believe you and second, it could backfire on you severely. (Especially since you tried to get with her before he did. It will make you look like a trouble maker.) Now, I can gather from your short description of his wife that you may still have some attraction to her. Not saying that you have been inappropriate with her or even thought about it. I’m just saying to make sure that your intentions are on point when dealing with this. You should be in this to help her get away from a potentially dangerous situation…that’s it. IF he is having sex with this other man, is he using condoms? Like I said, because you guys have some sort of history, you don’t want to come off like the dirty lying scumbag.

The best way for you to deal with it is to talk with him one on one. Tell him exactly what it is you saw and how it made you as his friend feel. Don’t attack him for being gay, but let him know that his sneaking around is not okay! Make sure he is aware of the danger he is putting his wife (and children, if there are any) in IF he isn’t using condoms. If he is gay, he needs to let her know and end the relationship. Yes, it will be hard and very painful for everyone involved, but this behavior has to stop.

In the end, all you can do is let him know that you know and require him to come clean. Still, ultimately, it will be your word against his. If he still refuses, the best thing for you to do, may be to just end the friendship. It may be hard for you to do, since you have known one another for so long, but there is really nothing you can do outside of catching him on video or having his wife catch him in the act some kind of way. Best of luck to you! I truly hope I helped you!


About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this and you may get featured!

3 Comments to “WTF?”

  1. I agree with you Mike and Vonda. Risking his wife’s life because of he’s not honest is so not the business.

  2. OK, I’ve got to chime in on this one!

    On my Facebook page, I had someone comment “To each [h]is own”. What was surprising wasn’t the comment itself but the fact that a woman posted it. Perhaps she didn’t read the article completely because I just can’t see a woman finding out her husband is “on the down low” and then dismissing it as if it is normal for such a situation to take place.

    I’m with Vonda; I would have to terminate the friendship with this guy and find some kind of way to anonymously alert the wife. Whether she believes that her husband is secretly gay or not is not even important. What is important is that I will have planted the seed that will inevitably cause her to pay closer attention to her husband’s behavior. Furthermore, I would hopefully alert her in time to avoid her catching AIDS.

    Look, if you are gay then be gay and if you are straight be straight! I have no problem with either choice – do you. What I do find troubling is the fact that some people think it is OK to put someone at risk to satisfy their own sexual cravings. Let us pray that we are truly moving toward an age of enlightenment where we know better and live better.

    • I agree Michael. I saw that comment also and thought the same thing. The letter wasn’t about whether or not the dude can be gay or not; that is on him. It was about the fact that he needs to stop lying to his wife and putting her health and well being in danger.

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