Being “You” Within “Us”

by Donya B

Image Credit:James Jordan

You know you’re in love when every other word out of your mouth is your beloved’s name.  It feels wonderful to know that your life is so intertwined and connected to this other person that it is as if you are living one life.  A good, healthy relationship feels and should be that way.  A shared life.  But of course there is always the other side of the story…

At the beginning of my last Dictator relationship, it was normal for me to say, “We’re going to… We want to…  We are…” because it was a shared life we were planning.  After a few years, it had morphed into, “He thinks … He doesn’t want … He wants us to… He said we’re going to…” I became the dutiful, braying sheep following along blindly, inhaling every word He said.  When I told my best friend He was moving us across country, she asked me, “You don’t sound like you anymore. What do you want to do?”  I laughed it off and told her, “It’s just that He knows best.  I’m still me and I’m cool with it!”  But by the time the blinders came off, I’d been pulled away from most of my family and friends and was living in the middle of a tumultuous lie.  Why? Because I’d let go of Me for Him.

Everyone is different, has different tastes, likes different things.  That’s what makes us unique.  Finding someone who appreciates your differences is key.  You like to rock climb and she doesn’t.  Ok, don’t stop rock climbing, but find something that you can also do together.  She loves WrestleMania and you can’t stand it.  Ok, don’t watch, but don’t put her down for loving John Cena (moment: drooling…).  Your mate should be a complement to you, not a copy of you.

Love your partner.  Respect your partner.  Make sure your partner loves and respects you.  Be one with her, but at the same time (in the words of the mighty Mos Def) ABY – Always Be You.  I know I say this every week, but you have to love and respect yourself to have a healthy relationship.  If what you want is different than what your partner wants, say so.  Don’t argue, don’t demean, just state your feelings. You have the right to Be You as much as he has the right to Be Him.  Being You doesn’t mean not looking out for her, but it does mean looking out for yourself.  Selfish and Self-Preserving are two different things.

Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone recognized, understood and respected each other’s differences?  Can you imagine how peaceful it would be?  Start right now, in your own little world and let’s see where this can go…

Solid-Center Truffle: You may not always know what’s best for you, but you know what’s true to you. New ABY – Always Believe in You!


About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

2 Comments to “Being “You” Within “Us””

  1. Great advice. I’m stealing that ABY too. Keep up the good work.

  2. LOVE LOVE THIS! Must share!

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