Archive for July, 2010

July 31, 2010

Enter the Distractor…

by Donya B

He was deployed and made “friends” with a woman on the ship. He insisted they were just friends, but her name came up much too regularly in conversations with his wife.  She didn’t like that too much… He told her if she had a problem with it, she could pack up and be gone by the time he got back!  They eventually worked it out, but the thought of it all still lingers.

The bane of every relationship: The Distractor!

giving up

Don't let Distractors affect your relationship

What is a Distractor?  You know you know them… Those people who somehow plant themselves right in the middle of your relationship.  Your co-worker who’s going through a nasty divorce and whispering in your ear that true love doesn’t exist… His mother who calls and comes by everyday “just to check in”… The fellas who are all cheating on their women so they make it seem perfectly ok…  The ex who just doesn’t know how to let go…  The flirty new cashier… Your mother who’s telling you your spouse isn’t good enough for you… Distractors!

My grandmother once told me that she is convinced that there are people who were put on this planet simply to cause distress.  Having lived these 29++ years with nary a drama-free day, I’d have to agree with her.

What exactly is their purpose in our lives?  Distractors have a very important job: they push two people far enough apart to make them really examine their relationship.  They drive the wedge in just deep enough for both sides to stop and think, “Am I ready, willing or able to let go?  Is this worth saving? Why?”  Is their motive to help your relationship?  Of course not!  There is something they intend to gain out of splitting you apart.  Most likely, it’s to gain the attention of their target. Sometimes it’s for the simple satisfaction of destroying something; either way, they are on a personal mission.

How do we get rid of them?  You can’t ignore them, no matter how hard you try.  You can’t brush them off, they’re sticky boogers.  All you can do is recognize them, assess their worth, determine their purpose and knock them the hell out! (Well, not physically, that would be assault.  You can still read my blog in jail, but it wouldn’t be worth it…) But these things you have to do together as a couple.  This isn’t a one-person battle.  My Distractor is a “phantom”, but my message to her went a little something like this, “You aren’t big enough to me.  I have much more important things to deal with in my world than you.  You’re just trying to sour the milk, but today, I’m making buttermilk pancakes.  Pass the syrup then get the hell on…” The wedge is slipping away and it feels wonderful!

Stand up for what’s yours and take nothing for granted.  As long as the two of you are on the same page, your Distractor doesn’t have a fighting chance.  And please, don’t ever let anyone dictate the value of your relationship.

Real Dark Chocolate Truffle:  Unless they’re feeding, f**king or financing you, don’t give them a say in your relationship.


Ms. De
About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

July 30, 2010

Fact or Fiction: Tackling the Top 7 Makeup Myths

by Elegance Makeup: Looks By Uhuru

makeupDon’t believe everything you here when it comes to your makeup. Here are seven common myths surrounding the use of makeup and the truth about them.

MAKEUP MYTH #1:    Black eyeliner can make your eyes appear bigger

Dark shades can actually make eyes appear smaller, rather than bigger. If you want

your eyes to appear larger, use lighter colors such as brown, gray, or even violet. By lining the

inner rims of your eyes with a white pencil before applying mascara, you can actually open up

your eyes appearance and create the illusion of bigger eyes.

MAKEUP MYTH #2:    You can make your lips look bigger by lining outside of your natural lip line

FICTION. Lining the outside of your lips only makes them look unnatural because you are

trying to create features you don’t have. Try wearing medium to light lip colors, or use lip gloss if

you want the appearance of fuller lips. Shades that are too dark make small lips look even


MAKEUP MYTH #3:    Wear makeup too often causes you to look ugly or old without it

FICTION. Makeup is suppose to enhance your natural features, NOT make your natural self

look like someone else – although there are women who put on full faces every day and end up

look nothing like themselves. Leaving the house without regular makeup may expose subtle

differences such as a few blemishes or dark circles here and there, but they are to be expected.

MAKEUP MYTH #4:    Wearing makeup every day can damage your skin

FICTION. Because most makeup products contain moisturizing and nourishing ingredients that

nourish and moisturize the skin during the day or protects the skin from the harmful sun’s rays,

from the wind and the dust, it is actually harmless.

MAKEUP MYTH #5:    If you don’t wear makeup, you can cleanse your face only with water

FICTION. Every night, your skin sheds dead skin. Every day, your skin produces many oils

and attracts dust, which if not removed in time may lead to different breakouts and skin prone

blemishes (acne, large pores, blackheads, whiteheads…etc). Proper daily cleansing with mild

cleansers and facial toners that are appropriate for your skin type is essential for every skin type

and age. Water will not cut it.

MAKEUP MYTH #6:    If you use waterproof mascara, your lashes will become brittle

FICTION. Most waterproof mascaras not only contain more proteins and vitamins than the

water soluble mascaras, but silicone oils – which create a protective coat on the lashes and

nourish them. Although it is true that waterproof mascara may be very difficult to remove, with

the right makeup remover, you shouldn’t have any problems.

MAKEUP MYTH #7:    Eyelash curlers can damage your lashes

FICTION….so long as you know how to use eyelash curlers properly. Curling your eyelashes

using an eyelash curler can make your eyes look wider, brighter and longer without making them

look fake. You should always use eyelash curlers before applying mascara. Carefully positioned

them gently on the tip lashes, squeeze the edges of the eyelash curler together and hold for a few

seconds and gently release the curler from the lashes. Repeat until you have achieved the desired


Did you believe some or all of these myths? Do you have any others that you’ve heard? Share them in the comments and I’ll do my best to find out if it’s fact or fiction.

About the Author:

For over 14 years, Chicago native Uhuru Freeman has been a face of many artistic and creative ventures such as dancer, singer, competitive beauty model & more.  Uhuru is the founder of Elegance Makeup where she’s made it her mission to not only beautify others from the inside outside, but to encourage and teach beauty from within. Visit Elegance Makeup at for more information or to book your very own elegant experience.

July 30, 2010

TVP Reaches the 100th Post Milestone

by M Stagg | The Voluptua Project™
100th posts

100 Posts...And Still going Strong!

Greetings TVP Fam!

Actually, this post is about 2-3 posts late but I’ve been so busy that I didn’t realize we reached this important milestone. A lot of blogs don’t even get out of the gate good, much less make it to there 100th post so this means a lot to me.

I can’t hog all the glory though. I couldn’t have made it without the TVP writing team so i want to issue a very heart-felt thank you to Nikki, Donya, ShayVonda, Flossie, Uhuru, Peggy and Raquyibah for all their hard work and dedication to this blog. I really couldn’t do it without all of you.

Another round of thanks goes out to our contest sponsors B & Lu (and Lana Leazer of Affluence PR & Marketing for the connection), Pure Energy and Kreative Soul Boutique. I love you guys for proving that curvy gals want and deserve to look their very best!

Most importantly, I thank all of you, the readers, for stopping by and commenting as well as for telling all your friends and family about the TVP experience…and please don’t stop! LOL 🙂

So…What’s next you ask?

TVP is going to begin featuring models and other fashion industry professionals weekly via our Model Boulevard posts. We will also begin our networking series for the curvy professional sometime in August. I’m now looking for sponsors for our men’s contest Suave Gents (Hint, Hint to all the men’s apparel and accessory crafters – TVP needs YOU! ) 🙂

I have another big announcement that is sure to get everyone up and on their feet (I hope! LOL) but you’re going to have to wait for that one. Until then, keep reading, keep sharing and keep it CURVY!

July 27, 2010

I Call Him “Daddy” Too

by Vonda Howard

hurtHey Vonda,

I truly hope my question gets chosen, because I really have a problem I could use your help on.

I have a friend that I have been close to since we were in the fifth grade. We even call each other sisters. We do everything together; we’ve cried together, we’ve been through some serious times in each other’s lives and some of the happiest. I would never, ever want to hurt her, but how do I tell her that I have been sleeping with her dad for the past 6 months?

I’ll let you digest that for a moment.

Now, this has was not anything that was planned, or even thought about before six months ago. Things kind of just happened. I mean, I have always thought her dad was a very attractive older man, but never even thought about doing anything with him until now. We are both consenting adults and neither one of us are attached, so why should it be a problem? Besides, I really think I love him. In fact, I KNOW I love him and he has even told me he loves me too. He has wanted to tell her for a while now, but I just haven’t had the nerve to do it. She even suspects that he is seeing someone, and wonders why he hasn’t introduced her yet.

What do I do, Vonda? I don’t want to hurt my very best friend in the whole world, but I don’t want to lose (what I feel) is the love of my life either! I need your help!


I Call Him “Daddy” Too

Dear I Call Him Daddy Too,

You are in a bit of a jam, aren’t you? I think I can help you figure this out with no problem. It’s simple…tell her the truth.

You said that you guys were or have been friends since you were in the fifth grade, then you should be able to go to her and talk to her about this. Honestly, there is no serious violations here outside of the fact that you have been lying to her for the past six months. Which is dead wrong. This should have been addressed in the beginning. If you saw something special developing between you and her dad, then you as her best friend should have went to her and talked about it. She may have been okay with it, you will never know. Unfortunately, now you have added a bit of a cloud over what you have described as a relationship that is filled with true love as a underhanded and dishonest act.

Yes, she may be totally against you being with her father, I mean, HE’S HER FATHER. You are going to have to decide in the end, which relationship is more important to you. The best friend you call your sister and have been friends with her since elementary school, or the new relationship that is really still in the honeymoon phase, that could lead to something more serious? What happens if there is a nasty breakup? Are you prepare to lose BOTH of them?

Honestly, the fact that you hid it and didn’t go to her in the beginning kind of tells you what is right and what is wrong here. If you feel that this relationship is worth possible losing you best friend then I say go for it, but again, the choice ultimately remains with you.

Good luck!


About the Author: Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL). She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to for the straight nitty-gritty. So just relax and enjoy. ;o) Do you have a question? Send it to this and you may get featured!

July 26, 2010

Curvy + Profile: Kamoi Jones

by M Stagg | The Voluptua Project™

Kamoi Jones

Kamoi Jones

Curvy +/Suave Gents Profiles feature the men and women of the curvy community doing something to better the lives of others. Anyone is eligible for a feature. All that is required is a desire to uplift the community in which you live. Please provide the information below to be considered via the contact page:

Name | Business Name (if applicable) | Location (City/State/Province) | Contact # (Optional) | Primary Business Email Address | Your Background/Why You Started Your Business | Product/Service Offering (if applicable) | How are you/will you be of service to the community | A Brief Bio – Please Limit to 300 Words | 1 Full Body Image (3/4 images are also acceptable)

This week, TVP is proud to present Kamoi Jones!

Kamoi the Individual

Kamoi is a native of Washington, DC, a faithful wife and mother of three amazing boys. She is a curvy, confident and self-described “divalicious” lady with a flair for fashion and all things stylish. During her pre-teen years, she began using her developing artistic talents to paint cartoon characters on her jeans. Eventually, her friends would pay her to do the same for them. As the wife of a busy recording artist, Kamoi focused her attention on raising her sons but recently she began pursuing her true passion – fashion design!

Kamoi the Professional

Over the years, Kamoi has worn several hats. As a certified childcare Kamoi is dedicated to educating all of her little customers as though they were her own. At 19, she was recognized as having the most nationwide sales during her tenure as manager of Kinney’s Shoes. Currently, she is a manager at Ashley Stewart where she puts her sense of style to use daily by helping her customers look and feel fabulous! Kamoi also moonlights as a model and is looking to develop connections in both the fashion and modeling industries.

Kamoi in the Community

True to her Aquarian nature, Kamoi is a humanitarian, volunteering when and where she can. She received the prestigious Governor’s Citation for Volunteer Service for her contribution at the Prince George County’s Department of Aging. At present, she is available to volunteer at fashion events or as a model for photo shoots. If you are interested in working with Kamoi or you’d just like to say howdy, contact her using the links below.

Email | Facebook

July 25, 2010

August Phatshionista: Vote for Your Favorite!

by M Stagg | The Voluptua Project™

Greetings TVP Fam!

Vote for your favorite Phatshionista below. This month’s sponsor is Pure Energy who will be providing the winner with a $40 Target gift (I hope you spend it on Pure Energy clothing!).

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

July 24, 2010

Love vs. Logic: It’s Mathematics

by Donya B

Author’s Caveat: This is a personal battle right now…  Just ride it out with me…

It is my curse as a Sagittarian to be both unconditionally loving and unwaveringly logical.  Unfortunately, the two are mutually exclusive (yes, that was a nod to 8th grade Algebra).  One has absolutely nothing to do with the other and like magnetic poles, don’t want to have anything to do with each other.  Love is not logical.  Period.

In battle, does it ever make sense to leave your left flank open?  That’s how LT broke Joe Theisman’s leg…  In the Battle of Bunker Hill, that’s how the British were defeated.  In cooking, do you ever walk away from the skillet? No, your seared ahi becomes ah crap in an instant.  When watching children, do you let them out of eye or ear shot?  You’re asking for trouble if you do.  So why in matters of human relations do we allow ourselves to be exposed, unguarded, weak, submissive and vulnerable?  Are we not asking for annihilation?  And then we want to be mad and jaded when it does happen… Humans are illogical creatures!

Here forward, I pledge Vulcan allegiance.  I give up on making sense of the heart.  I’m closing up ranks, ordering in and dismissing everything that cannot be rationally defined.  But can I really do that?  Can I walk away from believing in the one thing that makes this world continue to spin?  Can I turn my back on the little things that put those knowing smiles on every single face?  Can I really say that fluttering feeling in the pit of your stomach when you hear that person’s voice is just a hormonal/chemical disruption of your digestive process?  Can I really?

Right now I’m angry.  I’m hurt, upset and angry.  I should not be subject to that which I am and therefore should walk away.  That would make perfect sense.  I should remove myself from said damaging situation before any additional hurt can be administered.  Logic.  If you put your hand on a hot stove, it hurts. Move it. Logic.  But my heart says stand still.  Quotes from my favorite book come to mind; “Stand still and know that I am God,” “This too shall pass,” “Love is patient and kind,”… but we all know religion and logic have nothing to do with each other either!  Religion is Faith.  I guess if you think about it, so is Love.

Love is having faith that when you expose yourself, your inner self, your vulnerable self, you will be safe.  Love is having faith that even though you’ve been burned several times and the scar tissue is thick, someone knows how to gently carve it away, freeing you without destroying you.  Love is having faith in knowing the truth will actually set you free.  Love believes the impossible.

Tart Cherry Truffle: It doesn’t always have to make sense, it just is.  Keep logic in your head, not your heart.

July 23, 2010

Making Faces: A Step by Step Guide to Selecting the Right Makeup for a Flawless Face

by M Stagg | The Voluptua Project™

kareena kapoorFinding the right products for your makeup needs is essential to creating the perfect face. Here are a few step by step instructions on what you need to look for in order to crate your perfect face.

~Elegance Makeup


UNDERTONE – Your undertone is your skin’s underlying

Color. Simply look at the inside of your wrist in natural light

& you will either see a yellowish, redish, greenish or blueish


HUE – Perform swatch tests on your skin by lightly apply small streaks of

foundation shades to one side of your face – ranging from your

undertone to skin color. Observing the differences in natural light, the

color that blends closest to your skin is your hue.


TUBE – Cream texture & offer medium coverage.

POT – Cream in texture & best for dark marks & under-eye circles.

STICK – Usually come in a lip-stick like packaging & can be directly applied

for sheer to medium coverage. Apply to under-eye areas using a

concealer brush or finger. Do not drag.

WAND – Gives semi-sheer coverage & can be applied directly to the skin

blended with brush or sponge.


TINTED MOUISTURIZERS – Great for a clean fresh no-makeup look & add

natural radiance for a natural skin glow.

Choose one with SPF 15 or higher.

LIQUID – Best for a natural look. Easy to apply & not easily visible. Use Oil-based formulas dry to normal skin & water-based oily skin.

CREAM – Offer super coverage, but you must be able to blend well to avoid a

“mask-like” & heavy appearance. Gradually apply with a sponge, working into the skin for a natural look.

STICK – Great for hyperpigmentation, scars and discoloration. Smooth in

texture, easy to blend & come in medium to full coverage.

Also great at producing double duty as a concealer & foundation


CREAM to POWDER – Glides on like a cream & dries like a power. Great matte finish & add moderate coverage.

Asian FacesSTEP 4:        POWDER FINISH

PRESSED – Compact in form & concentrated. Used to smooth skin appearance upon finish or provide matte finish over oily shine.

LOOSE – Lighter in texture & leaves natural finish. Apply with large brush &

dust over face in light strokes.


POWDER – Long lasting & color intense. Gradually apply using professional

blush brush until accenting color is achieved. Remember, less is


STICK – Dab lightly on cheeks & blend with foundation brush.

CREME – Best for drier skin. Adds natural glow & great for eye or lip color.

GEL – Lightweight & gives sheer hint of color to cheeks. Gel-based blushes

will evaporate over time because they are water based, so you will need

to reapply during the day.


BRONZER – Gives a natural healthy glow & can be used in place of foundation.

Select a shade slightly deeper than your skin color.

HIGHLIGHTER – Require more precise application than bronzers & are used to

accentuate areas such as the cheekbones, jawbone, and brow

arch & bridge of your nose.

About the Author:

For over 14 years, Chicago native Uhuru Freeman has been a face of many artistic and creative ventures such as dancer, singer, competitive beauty model & more.  Currently, this face and founder of Elegance Makeup has made it her mission to not only beautify others from the inside outside, but to encourage and teach beauty from within. Visit Elegance Makeup at for more information or to book your very own elegant experience.

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