To be the booty call or not to be the booty call?

by Vonda Howard

[This is a Hey Vonda! post by author Vonda Howard. If you have a relationship question and would like an unbiased opinion on how to handle it send an email to heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com. Your identity remains anonymous.]


Hey Vonda!

thebootycallI just got out of a very nasty divorce and looking for love again.  I recently reconnected with an old flame (more like my first flame) and we have been really enjoying one another.  We’ve gone out on a date here and there and talk on the phone at least once a week.  Just the other day, he called me and during the conversation her said, “I’m horny, what are you gonna do about it?”  I simply laughed it off, but he was serious!  Now, I don’t have to say that I am in need of some sexual healing and really need to get the bottom broke out, but not sure if I want to take this step.  To me, his request sounds a little “booty-callish”, but I can appreciate his straightforwardness too.  I am not looking for the quick nut and move on thing, I am really at the point where I want to start to build something.  What do you think, Vonda?  Should I go ahead and give in to that side of me that wants to get her groove on, or should I wait until I know he wants the same thing long term that I do?

Thanks a million!

In Need of Sexual Healing

Dear In Need of Sexual Healing,

I’m so sorry to hear you had to endure a nasty divorce, but am glad you are through it.  Going through those types of situations can often leave you feeling beaten and a little vulnerable sometimes, so it is great that you reconnected with someone that can help you start to move on with your life.

Now, I am going to be blunt here; you said you thought his question was “a little booty-callish”, well honey…you are absolutely right.  Although I can understand your need to have “your bottom broke out”, if an unattached relationship is not what you are looking for, you should stay away.   Let’s look at his approach for a second, shall we?  “I’m Horny, what are you going to do about it.”….. ni**a what?  First off, the huge level of romance wrapped in that question alone is mind boggling…not!  You said you guys have known each other for a while (you even added that he was your first), so why would he even approach you this way?  That is purely booty call language!  If you guys are as close as you say you are, there needs to be a real conversation before any boot knocking goes down.  You need to tell him exactly what you are looking for and what you expect out of this encounter.

Sex for a woman is a lot more emotional than it is for a man, so you laying down and doing this would only make the situation much more difficult and may ruin the base of the relationship.   (Especially if he rocks your world!) I’m not saying start forcing him into planning weddings and naming your first born, but let him know that you want sex with him to actually mean something and that you want to invest time in you guy’s relationship going forward.  If  he really  cares about your feelings then he will understand.

Now, on the other side, seeing as though you just got out of a nasty divorce, it may be a bit too soon for you to be jumping into anything really long term anyway.  You are better off taking this time to get re-acquainted with yourself and just enjoying your new “singleness”.  Just by what I have read in your letter, I’m not sure you are ready for a “no strings attached” type of relationship just yet.  It sounds to me like all of your nerve endings are still a bit exposed and getting into anything really serious could spell trouble for you right now.  So, just be careful and remember to BE SAFE!

Side note: I can totally get with the “breaking out the bottom” though girl!  That’s what I’m talking about!!  Hope I helped!

Vonda

Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL).  She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to to get the straight nitty-gritty.  So just relax and enjoy.  ;o) Do you have a question?  Send it to this address: heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured! 

Advertisements

3 Comments to “To be the booty call or not to be the booty call?”

  1. Ok…From a male perspective, I think “In Need of Sexual Healing” maybe a little confused on what it is she really wants. I think she may need to reconnect with herself before jumping into another relationship if she just got out of a nasty divorce. I mean who would want to deal with someone else after going through that. Maybe a little unemotional sex is exactly what she needs to clear the tension that is obviously brewing between the two. Sometimes great friendships can be ruined after taking it to the next level, so some ground rules should be set before anything happens and each of them should have a clear understanding on what it is that they both want from the other. This can turn into a sweet dream or a devastating nightmare.

  2. Exactly! As long as everybody is clear on the expectations of the booty call go right ahead! :o)

  3. Hmmm I guess were all adults there’s nothing wrong with a booty call per se’. That is if everyone involved knows the rules and follows them. I.e. having higher expectations and whatnot. Do I have them?? No. But I will never say never!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: