Archive for June, 2010

June 29, 2010

To be the booty call or not to be the booty call?

by Vonda Howard

[This is a Hey Vonda! post by author Vonda Howard. If you have a relationship question and would like an unbiased opinion on how to handle it send an email to heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com. Your identity remains anonymous.]


Hey Vonda!

thebootycallI just got out of a very nasty divorce and looking for love again.  I recently reconnected with an old flame (more like my first flame) and we have been really enjoying one another.  We’ve gone out on a date here and there and talk on the phone at least once a week.  Just the other day, he called me and during the conversation her said, “I’m horny, what are you gonna do about it?”  I simply laughed it off, but he was serious!  Now, I don’t have to say that I am in need of some sexual healing and really need to get the bottom broke out, but not sure if I want to take this step.  To me, his request sounds a little “booty-callish”, but I can appreciate his straightforwardness too.  I am not looking for the quick nut and move on thing, I am really at the point where I want to start to build something.  What do you think, Vonda?  Should I go ahead and give in to that side of me that wants to get her groove on, or should I wait until I know he wants the same thing long term that I do?

Thanks a million!

In Need of Sexual Healing

Dear In Need of Sexual Healing,

I’m so sorry to hear you had to endure a nasty divorce, but am glad you are through it.  Going through those types of situations can often leave you feeling beaten and a little vulnerable sometimes, so it is great that you reconnected with someone that can help you start to move on with your life.

Now, I am going to be blunt here; you said you thought his question was “a little booty-callish”, well honey…you are absolutely right.  Although I can understand your need to have “your bottom broke out”, if an unattached relationship is not what you are looking for, you should stay away.   Let’s look at his approach for a second, shall we?  “I’m Horny, what are you going to do about it.”….. ni**a what?  First off, the huge level of romance wrapped in that question alone is mind boggling…not!  You said you guys have known each other for a while (you even added that he was your first), so why would he even approach you this way?  That is purely booty call language!  If you guys are as close as you say you are, there needs to be a real conversation before any boot knocking goes down.  You need to tell him exactly what you are looking for and what you expect out of this encounter.

Sex for a woman is a lot more emotional than it is for a man, so you laying down and doing this would only make the situation much more difficult and may ruin the base of the relationship.   (Especially if he rocks your world!) I’m not saying start forcing him into planning weddings and naming your first born, but let him know that you want sex with him to actually mean something and that you want to invest time in you guy’s relationship going forward.  If  he really  cares about your feelings then he will understand.

Now, on the other side, seeing as though you just got out of a nasty divorce, it may be a bit too soon for you to be jumping into anything really long term anyway.  You are better off taking this time to get re-acquainted with yourself and just enjoying your new “singleness”.  Just by what I have read in your letter, I’m not sure you are ready for a “no strings attached” type of relationship just yet.  It sounds to me like all of your nerve endings are still a bit exposed and getting into anything really serious could spell trouble for you right now.  So, just be careful and remember to BE SAFE!

Side note: I can totally get with the “breaking out the bottom” though girl!  That’s what I’m talking about!!  Hope I helped!

Vonda

Vonda Howard is the author of the new hot book series, The D-Cup Divas™, a graphic designer of her own graphic design firm, Cupcake Creative Studio, mom to two, wife to her one and only and a domestic goddess (not really…LOL).  She does not profess to be an expert, but just that one opinionated girlfriend you go to to get the straight nitty-gritty.  So just relax and enjoy.  ;o) Do you have a question?  Send it to this address: heyvonda@thedcupdivas.com and you may get featured! 

June 26, 2010

Miss Celie’s Pants

by Donya B
Color-Purple-XL-COV_138178c

L-R: Kenita R. Miller as Celie & LaToya London as Nettie in the musical 'The Color Purple' Image: Paul Kolnik

For the past 5 weeks, we’ve looked at different personality types and perceptions in a relationship.  We’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly.  We’ve come to get a clearer picture of what works and what doesn’t, right?  So now what?  Let’s put it all together!

It’s obvious that someone has got to be the head of the relationship.  Someone has got to be the pants-wearer in the pairing, right?  A dominant and a submissive (minds out of the gutter please…).  The Dictator, the Butterfly, the sword-wielding breadwinner are all dominants, but who really has the power?

Both partners, believe it or not, have immense power.  Without a dominant, a submissive has little direction.  Without a submissive, a dominant has no follower.  “The man may be the head, but the woman is the neck.  And the neck can turn the head any way she wants!” Remember that from My Big Fat Greek Wedding? What’s a head without a neck? A neck without a head?  They need each other to have a purpose and a function!  Both wear the proverbial pants; which brings us back to my subject line: “Miss Celie’s Pants” derived from the book The Color Purple by Alice Walker. (You know I don’t use straight lines to get to a point, so stop tryna figure me out…)

“Miss Celie, how you makes a pair o’ pants that fits Harpo to fits me?” the character Sophia laughed.  Miss Celie’s Pants were intentionally made universal.  They showed neither male nor female, height nor weight, introvert nor extrovert dominance.  It’s a pair of pants that can be worn by either partner comfortably.  The symbolism of this garment was lost on most people.  In that one scene, four characters with varying personalities, roles and purposes within their relationships were all wearing the pants — together.  And the fact that Celie finally had “her own place” and Mister stood outside in the shadows showed another shift in the balance of power.

It is so important that all of us recognize who we are in our relationships, but more important to realize you are neither powerless nor all powerful.  You have as much control over your situations as your partner, simply because you can’t be who you are to them without them. I can’t be a low-flying butterfly without my Pleaser to keep me grounded anymore than he can feel fulfilled without someone/me to cater to.  Balance!

Nut-filled Truffle: Men in green paisley pants are as silly looking as women in sailor button slacks, but at least they’re comfortable.

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

June 25, 2010

Uhuru’s Summer Beauty Trends Report

by Elegance Makeup: Looks By Uhuru

Most of today’s beauty trends jump right from the runway to store shelves.  This season, the hottest makeup trends are feminine, romantic, and ultra pretty.  From flawless skin to mystical long lashes, get ready for the warm weather with a look at this summer’s hottest beauty trends.

~Elegance Makeup

Natural Beauty THE NATURAL BEAUTY:

The ‘natural beauty’ is a major trend this spring and summer. The emphasis is on achieving a flawless skin and complexion that is both natural and lightweight so that your skin looks untouched. During the summer seasons, you should avoid heavy makeup as much as possible because the season’s heated factors could ruin your makeup. The natural is great for casual occasions & perfect for day wear.

ACHIEVING:

  • Moisturizing is key to hydrated looking skin
  • Use lightweight skin foundations
  • Loose finishing powders
  • Natural looking blushes
  • Nude lipstick or lip gloss
  • Apply a simple coat of mascara

plush blush PLUSH BLUSH:

Using light sheer blush that contain a bit of shimmer is a major trend this summer.  Heavy bronzers and rich colored powders are a thing of the past. Light applications of pastel or light rosy colors achieve a natural cheek glow that compliments the overall look.

ACHIEVING:

  • Pastel colors
  • Sheer blush with a hint of shimmer
  • Soft rose tones
  • Peach based
  • Light coral or light plum

eye surprise EYES SURPRISE

It is all about the fantasy within the eyes rather than being practical this summer. The illusion of extra long lashes – whether achieved by trying false lashes or using lengthening mascara – dark, luscious lashes are key.  The idea? Subtle and soft with a hint of magical shimmer and pop.

ACHIEVING:

  • Use chocolate brown or navy liner instead of black liner
  • Nude, soft coral, gold or bronze eye shadow
  • Eye shadows with a hint of shimmer
  • Natural false lashes or lengthening mascara

Lavish Lips LAVISH LIPS:

Bold, sparkly, bright and glittery colors are out this season. Applying a sheer balm over bare lips or nude pinks or beiges with a hint of shine can achieve the look any day. Keeping it soft and pretty with a feminine flare that is both soft and romantic is key this season.  Less is more.

ACHIEVING:

  • Moisturizing is key to hydrated soft lips
  • Use natural or rose lip liners
  • Sheer balm over nude lips
  • Rose and peachy lipstick/gloss

About the Author: For over 14 years, Chicago native Uhuru Freeman has been a face of many artistic and creative ventures such as dancer, singer, competitive beauty model & more.  Currently, this face and founder of Elegance Makeup has made it her missions to not only beautify others from the inside out, but to encourage and teach beauty from within. Visit Elegance Makeup at www.enchanted-elegance.com for more information or to book your very own elegant experience.

June 23, 2010

Being Your Own Best Friend

by youcannow

Delight[This is a Wellness Wednesday contribution with Fitness & Nutrition Life Coach Flossie Alexander of You Can NOW! Coaching.]

Too often we make big promises to ourselves and fail to follow-through. When we don’t follow-through on these promises we lose trust in ourselves.

Here’s a question for you … If your best friend treated you the way that you treat yourself would you continue to be friends?

This week try a new approach. Resolve that the most important thing you can do this week is to start rebuilding trust in yourself. No matter how small or simple you may think it is, set a goal or a step that is challenging for you. Write it down your goal and put it someplace that you’ll see it. Each day focus on following-through with your promise to yourself.

See how it feels to know that you can really trust yourself. With new confidence you’ll be ready to take on even bigger challenges.

Learn to be your own best friend and give yourself the support you need. You are the only person that will never leave you!

Yours in Health,

Flossie Alexander
Fitness & Nutrition Life Coach
You Can NOW! Coaching
Where Results ARE Typical!

About Flossie: Flossie is currently a member of the National Association of Professional Women and Toastmaster’s International. She is a Certified Personal Trainer, Certified Nutrition Coach as well as a Certified Wellness Coach with a successful track record in leading organizations and individuals into achieving healthy lifestyle goals. After overcoming obesity, losing 165 pounds in 18 months, she has developed a passion to help others through public speaking and one-on-one weight loss coaching. Visit Flossie at http://www.youcannowcoaching.com to start creating your new healthy lifestyle and lose unhealthy weight permanently.


June 22, 2010

July Phatshionista: Vote for Your Fav!

by M Stagg | The Voluptua Project™

Greetings TVP Fam!

Once again, we ask that you select the person you feel truly displays a unique sense of style. Our sponsor this month returns from our initial contest: B & Lu; another prize of $100 in merchandise is up for grabs. Voting begins now and will continue for the rest of the month. The winner will be announced at midnight July 1st. We wish all five ladies the best of luck!

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June 21, 2010

Positively Plus Profile Update: Natasha Devon

by M Stagg | The Voluptua Project™

Cosmo-article-pic1Positively Plus/Suave Gents features the men and women of the curvy community doing something to better the lives of others. Anyone is eligible for a feature. All that is required is a desire to uplift the community in which you live. Please provide the information below to be considered via the contact page:

Name | Business Name (if applicable) | Location (City/State/Province) | Contact # (Optional) | Primary Business Email Address | Your Background/Why You Started Your Business | Product/Service Offering (if applicable) | How are you/will you be of service to the community | A Brief Bio – Please Limit to 300 Words | 1 Full Body Image (3/4 images are also acceptable)

This week, TVP is proud to present (again :)) Natasha Devon!

Hey TVP Fam!

As the title suggests, this is an update to a previously featured individual who continues to tirelessly spread the word about positive body image. Natasha, as mentioned in her initial profile, kicked bulimia nervosa’s arse with the help of Mark Newey of Winning Minds and his Neuro-Linguistic Program. She continues to champion the cause of positive body image and speaks out regularly on the causes and effects of poor body image as well as how to successfully combat eating disorders such as bulimia nervosa.

Since our initial feature, Natasha has been featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine, co-hosts a radio program – The Culture Club – on Reach FM and continues to act as an ambassador for national celebrity endorsed body confidence campaigns Body Gossip and Evolve. If you’d like to find out how you can get involved with any of these programs click the links below to connect with Natasha.

Facebook | Blog | Winning Minds

June 19, 2010

Perceptions. Think on It…

by Donya B

He looked at his phone and crossed his eyes at the tiny letters on the screen.  Maybe if he squinted they would morph into something that made a little more sense than “Whatever”.  He backed out of that screen and read the message he’d just sent her.  It was polite, genuine even.  It was thoughtful, in light of the topic.  So to what did he owe a caustic “Whatever”?

Silently, he whispered a prayer for strength, guidance and civility before he put his thumb in motion to answer back to what still was a cryptic response.  His reply was succinct, pointed without being blunt, yet still defined his position with tact; I’m extending a courtesy.  Being unselfish, if you will.  He was satisfied as he pressed Send.  Minutes passed before the flame under his ire was ignited with two simple words.  Separately they meant much of nothing, but when put together became a stone, and in response to his decorum, they formed a weapon.  “Not really,” the screen read.

Not really.  That was to say, no, he wasn’t being courteous.  No he wasn’t being unselfish.  In other words, he was being an ass.  An unconcerned, all-about-himself dictator who flashed his financial sword with reckless abandon in her face.  That was the way she perceived his initial message, so of course she’d have to come back on the defensive.  It only makes sense.  Why ask “What do you mean?” or “We’ll talk later” when “Whatever” is so much easier to text?  He, on the other hand, doesn’t deal in simplicity.  Unfortunately, when one is faced with curt defense, adds annoyance, subtracts simplicity and multiplies it by justification, the result is usually a product less than tactful.  But somehow, this time, he managed to maintain.

He reminded her that he was being courteous, as many other things could happen if he chose not to be.  He kept a level head as he silently and swiftly swung that sword a hair’s breadth from the gentle curls on her head.  He said without saying, “Don’t fuck with me.”

She was hurting and he knew it, but she’d made that bed so it wasn’t his fault she’d gotten no sleep in years.  And now it was time for her to get her own bed; for his was no longer available for rent.  He’d told her he would help until she could manage on her own – a courtesy, correct? – but instead of saying “Thanks” or “Discuss tonight”, she simply said “Whatever” and “Not really”.

It had been a rough morning.  Fielding customer problems, a manager that inexplicably had a mark on her head and too many hours of overtime eating into an already unreasonable sleep pattern had destroyed any good humor she may have thought she had.  It was 9:30am and she’d been awake for 7 hours already; 5 of those she’d spent in that half-assed unorganized office.  All it would take was one word, any word, that didn’t suit her and she would blow.  Her text chimed, she read the message and her world exploded.

Whatever.

Bittersweet Truffle: It’s not always about you.

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

June 16, 2010

No Longer Living on Leftovers

by youcannow

leftovers

[This is a Wellness Wednesday contribution with Fitness & Nutrition Life Coach Flossie Alexander of You Can NOW! Coaching.]

In the mist of a busy day and juggling demands sometimes we find ourselves reaching for the fast-food or the vending machine snack. We might even be telling ourselves, “I’ll have more time next week to make a better choice”.

Our lives are filled with busy times, demands and responsibilities. Far too often it’s tempting to put everything else before taking good care of ourselves. When we do this too often we find that we’re living on the “leftovers” of our own life and turn to food for comfort. Maybe we sit down in the evening to our favorite junk-food and think, “I deserve this!” But, how do you feel after you eat it? Do you feel guilty, tired and uncomfortably full? Do you deserve to feel miserable?

Making yourself a priority in your own life will fill you with a sense of pride and build self-esteem. The action of putting yourself in the mist of chaos will send the message to every brain cell that you’re important!

You can start to develop this habit by simply finding time to take care of yourself one time each day. Get away from your desk to eat lunch, take the time for a gentle walk before dinner, ask your husband to watch the kids, or ask a work college for help with a project that’s too demanding.

How does this feel? Notice a difference?

Make yourself a star in your own life. Taking care of yourself and taking steps into a healthy lifestyle will insure that you’ve got the health and the energy for all the demands in the future.

Yours in Health,

Flossie Alexander
Fitness & Nutrition Life Coach
You Can NOW! Coaching
Where Results ARE Typical!

About Flossie: Flossie is currently a member of the National Association of Professional Women and Toastmaster’s International. She is a Certified Personal Trainer, Certified Nutrition Coach as well as a Certified Wellness Coach with a successful track record in leading organizations and individuals into achieving healthy lifestyle goals. After overcoming obesity, losing 165 pounds in 18 months, she has developed a passion to help others through public speaking and one-on-one weight loss coaching. Visit Flossie at http://www.youcannowcoaching.com to start creating your new healthy lifestyle and lose unhealthy weight permanently.

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