Who Are You? Pt. Deux

by Donya B

In the words of one of the most renowned military dictators, Bienvenue mes amis! What was it that made Napoleon Bonaparte such an imperial pain in the arse? He was brilliant and knew no one would dare tell him otherwise.  Last week we looked at everyone’s favorite personality type, The Butterfly.  This week, we look at its nemesis, the one least likely to read this, but most recognizable…

The Dictator:

Pros – logical quick thinker, solution-oriented, very secure in his education, abilities and goals, a take-no-prisoners kind of person who is very proud of her accomplishments, a problem solver, a jack of all trades who advances quickly in the workplace.  A stable and reliable provider and protector.

Cons – not a good listener, short on patience, doesn’t want alternate suggestions – just wants you to follow her directions, not terribly romantic (romance is illogical), but knows how to use it to manipulate others, not much of a family guy – his or yours – and can be socially awkward. This Ultimate Control Freak may have a tendency to be emotionally abusive, but physical abuse is “beneath him”.

I spent six years as a Doormat to a Dictator.  Hard to believe, I know.  Actually, it was four years actively placid, two years navigating Pleaser to get to Butterfly.  He was a high ranking Marine, so I guess that explains it all. His job was not to listen, empathize and come to a conclusion, it was to observe and react with direct orders that were not to be questioned. Unfortunately, he brought that mess home.  Even worse, I followed suit.  What is tragic is that I absorbed his ways and tried to be a Dictator to the unsuspecting sap that followed in his wake.  That was a very short-lived relationship because I sucked at it.

I don’t have to tell you that a Dictator – Dictator relationship will never happen, do I? Good. Dictator – Butterfly is a flash paper relationship.  She will suggest he choose who his loyalties are with, his people or their home, but let him know it is in his best interest to choose her. The sex is great because she’s aggressive, but he will not be controlled and leaves quickly.  It’s pretty obvious that Dictator – Doormat goes the long haul.  They’re settled and there aren’t many arguments.  Don’t expect to see this couple holding hands strolling through town, but a nice dinner in a quiet corner of a restaurant of his choice isn’t unheard of. He does love her deeply; he shows it by providing everything she needs. It works; it’s just hard to stomach.  Dictator – Pleaser has durability simply because Pleasers don’t make waves and they stroke egos like a pro. He demands her attention and she readily gives it.  She makes herself an integral part of his small social circle and he appreciates it because she bolsters him.  This would probably be the healthiest Dictator relationship, as oxymoronic as that sounds. Now, I’m not saying Dictators are bad, they just need real love.

Today’s Truffle: Control, Love and Respect are three separate things.  Know the difference.  Live the difference.

Next Week – Pleasers!

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

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