Who Are You? Pt. 1

by Donya B

Hey y’all!  Last week I touched on a personality spectrum and how we tend to find ourselves on the extremes instead of balanced toward the middle.  I told you we would explore each one so we could all see who we are and how we fit into our relationships.  As I started to break down each category, I realized there was no way it was going to fit into one piece.  So let us now begin the 4-part series, “Who Are You?”

Reality Note:  I have been each personality type at some point in my life so I’m not pointing fingers; I’m looking in the mirror.  Overstand, I am not telling you there is something wrong with you that you have to fix. These are just guideposts on the healthy relationship journey.  Also overstand that this matrix applies to everyone, not just us lean-challenged.

This week we focus on The Butterfly.

Pros: Gets along with everyone, open to new ideas and ways of thinking, confident, refuses to fail, possesses glowing inner beauty and strength, has an infectiously positive personality, makes everyone comfortable, can handle any situation with poise and style, quick thinker, makes great arm candy.

Cons: Can’t sit still long enough to solidify anything – including a thought process, overshadows their mate, always thinks they’re right (and usually are), comes off cocky or outspoken to the unfamiliar, talks a lot!, has low levels of humility/modesty, doesn’t know when to let go.

Are you wincing reading this like I am?  It’s painful to look at yourself sometimes, isn’t it?  90% of the time, I am a butterfly.  This explains why it’s been difficult for me to stay in long relationships; I bore easily and shiny things distract me.  This is also explains why when I’ve been hurt, I’ve been hurt hard.  A Monarch butterfly can lead a rabble hundreds of miles, but if you touch his wings wrong, he’ll die.  The Butterfly is just the same.  It may not be a big offense, but the wrong one cuts to the quick.

Fortunately, my beloved is a Pleaser, so he continually gives me intangible “shiny things”.  That is, he shows me love in different little ways every day.  Nothing extravagant, it’s the little things.  And since it is in his nature to coddle and nurture, he goes out of his way to make sure I don’t get hurt; by him or anyone else.  Even in his dreams!  (I told you I wasn’t going to smother you with my sappy stuff, so I’m done now.)

In any relationship, two Butterflies aren’t likely.  Self-esteem turns into ego and (not one to share the spotlight) one of them will take off.  Butterflies can be unintentionally abusive to Doormats (short attention spans miss the clues) and are likely to butt heads with Dictators (they both can’t always be right). The Pleaser is the Yin to The Butterfly’s Yang.  The Pleaser delights in the boldness and accomplishments of the Butterfly, and The Butterfly finds comfort and peace in The Pleaser.  Now, these are not cast in stone or the only way a relationship will work, so don’t go breaking up with your girlfriend cuz she’s a Dictator. Love is love, go with it.

Truffle: Finding the balance between your strengths and weaknesses is the key to finding You.

Next week – Dictators!

About Donya: Donya Vaughn is a So Cal native, collegiate of San Diego State University and graduate of the University of Life, mastering in “Wow, That Was Harder Than It Needed To Be”. Known to her close friends as “The Walking Encyclopedia”, Donya prides herself in being helpful, knowledgeable and ready to serve. She uses these traits along with unwavering optimism and Christian good spirit regularly as owner and consultant of As You Like… Wedding & Event Services.

2 Responses to “Who Are You? Pt. 1”

  1. Yes, I did cringe when reading this! I am a self proclaimed butterfly to the extent that I use the blue morpho butterfly as my company logo. This was a great article.


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